I think, talk and write about love and grace an awful lot. These two forces have seeped into everything I do, and they’ve needed to, without them I’d quite literally be dead. Actually, to say ‘everything I do’, would not be entirely accurate…
Upon mindful self-assessment, I’ve come to realise I’m terrible at loving people I don’t like.
That was hard to admit.
Not very attractive is it?
Some truth is like that. Some truth is uncomfortable, ugly.
I’ve reached a basic love, for people I don’t like, enough just to placate my conscience, up till now. But this basic love doesn’t come anywhere close to ‘bless those who curse you’ love.
I struggle with people who like themselves, and their righteousness a little too much, you know the people I speak of.
I have crazy big love for the ‘outcasts’.
I have stupid big love for the ‘sinners’!
I have huge compassionate love for those who carry good and noble intentions, yet manage to execute those intentions on catastrophic failure levels.
I have shallow, ugly, immature love for those who deem their sin to be less than the sins of others.
I have shallow love for those who form elitist cliques, based on shared narrow mindedness, cliques that acquire new members based on invite-only replies.
I have shallow love for those who insist on filling formulaic religious prescriptions for desperate and unique individuals, cookie-cutter procedures that’s don’t connect these individuals with a creative and unique God!
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably reading along, thinking: “yeah, what’s the big deal? Those people suck!”.
The problem is this: For too long I’ve justified my immature love by saying, “Jesus called out the hypocrites! He singled out those whose agenda didn’t line up with the Father’s Heart, I’m in good company!”, and He did, and I am!
I know I’ve been mandated to do the same thing, to question the things we do out of tradition, or just “because they’ve always been done”, instead of assessing the heart motives behind our thoughts and actions. But at no time, EVER, has God highlighted discrepancies to me and then added on a disclaimer, stating: “It’s ok Bek, you call them out, you don’t have to love them deeply whilst doing it. You can love them superficially, and you don’t have to bless them, even when they curse you.”
So here I call myself out.
I acknowledge and confess that I have struggled to search for beauty beneath pious, religious mindsets.
Here I acknowledge that this kind of heart attitude isn’t good enough, it’s not mature love, it’s not Father-hearted love.
So whilst I cannot and will not veer from the path I know God is laying before me, calling out injustice and discrepancies in our behaviour as a corporate body…
I will step forward with a new awareness of the ugly, immature love that lies in my heart, and I will ask Father God to help me change it, mature it, mature me. ‘Cause I sure as heck can’t do it on my own!