The Musings of Bek Curtis

Ugly Immature Love

Posted by on Sep 9, 2014 in Musings | 2 comments

Ugly Immature Love

I think, talk and write about love and grace an awful lot. These two forces have seeped into everything I do, and they’ve needed to, without them I’d quite literally be dead. Actually, to say ‘everything I do’, would not be entirely accurate…

Upon mindful self-assessment, I’ve come to realise I’m terrible at loving people I don’t like.

That was hard to admit.
Not very attractive is it?
Some truth is like that. Some truth is uncomfortable, ugly.

I’ve reached a basic love, for people I don’t like, enough just to placate my conscience, up till now. But this basic love doesn’t come anywhere close to ‘bless those who curse you’ love.

I struggle with people who like themselves, and their righteousness a little too much, you know the people I speak of.

I have crazy big love for the ‘outcasts’.
I have stupid big love for the ‘sinners’!
I have huge compassionate love for those who carry good and noble intentions, yet manage to execute those intentions on catastrophic failure levels.

I have shallow, ugly, immature love for those who deem their sin to be less than the sins of others.

I have shallow love for those who form elitist cliques, based on shared narrow mindedness, cliques that acquire new members based on invite-only replies.

I have shallow love for those who insist on filling formulaic religious prescriptions for desperate and unique individuals, cookie-cutter procedures that’s don’t connect these individuals with a creative and unique God!

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably reading along, thinking: “yeah, what’s the big deal? Those people suck!”.

The problem is this: For too long I’ve justified my immature love by saying, “Jesus called out the hypocrites! He singled out those whose agenda didn’t line up with the Father’s Heart, I’m in good company!”, and He did, and I am!
I know I’ve been mandated to do the same thing, to question the things we do out of tradition, or just “because they’ve always been done”, instead of assessing the heart motives behind our thoughts and actions. But at no time, EVER, has God highlighted discrepancies to me and then added on a disclaimer, stating: “It’s ok Bek, you call them out, you don’t have to love them deeply whilst doing it. You can love them superficially, and you don’t have to bless them, even when they curse you.”

So here I call myself out.
I acknowledge and confess that I have struggled to search for beauty beneath pious, religious mindsets.
Here I acknowledge that this kind of heart attitude isn’t good enough, it’s not mature love, it’s not Father-hearted love.

So whilst I cannot and will not veer from the path I know God is laying before me, calling out injustice and discrepancies in our behaviour as a corporate body…
I will step forward with a new awareness of the ugly, immature love that lies in my heart, and I will ask Father God to help me change it, mature it, mature me. ‘Cause I sure as heck can’t do it on my own!
-Bek Curtis



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  1. brett Fish anderson

    i know this guy who has a phrase GYHOOYA which feels appropriate here [he recently blogged on that over here: as it stands for Get Your Head Out Of Your Ass… which as i was reading this post was not so much something i wanted to shout at you as myself – way too much ME TOOing going on and i think a special kind of Love is needed to reach past those who are easy to love [and the irony for both of us of those being the messed up ones as opposed to the have it all together ones – i resonated so much on that] – so thanks for this post.

    one of my favourite Jesus tweets is the moment he has the rich young ruler in front of Him and i am sure Jesus knew he was going to walk away disappointed but the Word reads ‘Jesus looked at him and loved him’ and that feels so powerful – i don’t love you because you are about to conform or be obedient, but i love to and hope that as a response you might choose to conform and be obedient but the love won’t change either way

    thank you for this
    love brett fish

  2. Chavoux

    Shalom Bek. As one of those hypocritical, self-righteous “christians”, or at least one who have gone through a long period of being one, I want to thank you for your post. However, I also want to encourage you that Jesus, even though He loved the Pharisees, did not pussyfoot around their sin. One of the most loving things we can do (while still examining our hearts to stay in His love), is to confront those people with their lack of Christ-likeness. To call them out and to warn them. The warnings need to be so much harder, because the danger of self-righteousness is so much greater. Somebody who is already convicted of their own sinfulness needs to be encouraged with love and grace. But somebody who still think they are pleasing God (or indeed that they can) through their pious life, needs to be confronted with the deceptiveness of their own hearts. They need to be convicted of their own sinfulness (I am speaking from experience here). The “harsh words” of Jesus came from a heart of love (and righteous anger at the sin too). I only understood what grace truly meant after God broke me… and I can never thank Him enough for that. Bottom line: although we need to check our hearts to make sure that we are filled with the love of God, we should not be scared of lovingly confronting the self-righteous with their true unrighteousness.

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