The Musings of Bek Curtis

Wifi & Trans Humour

Posted by on Sep 3, 2015 in Musings | 6 comments

Wifi & Trans Humour

FullSizeRender (1)“I too was once a male trapped in a female body, but then my mother gave birth.”

I’ve seen this meme pop up on my Facebook newsfeed over the past few weeks, and each friend who has posted it is Christian. These are all friends whom I admire and respect, they are not malicious people. What I think perhaps happened, in the moments before they pressed ‘share’ was that they didn’t quite evaluate the possible implications of their actions, they saw only momentary humour.

The problem is, this isn’t really funny. This meme, and ones like it, are hurtful at best, and critically damaging to relationships at worst.
What these people, in my opinion, have done, is broken connection and struck themselves off the list of potential confidants to those struggling with gender identity issues.

Imagine if it were you were struggling with this issue.
It’s one of those hot button topics at the moment, especially within the church, and it can be easy to get caught up in media hype and lose sight of the individuals truly affected by this discussion.
Imagine if you were immersed in a Christian culture and found yourself hurting, alone, confused, misunderstood, and you happened upon one of these posts?

I don’t know how I’d feel, this isn’t one of my many struggles, I can only imagine how I might feel. I imagine that meme may further compound the isolation I was already experiencing. I can also imagine that I would not view the person expressing those hurtful views as someone who was ‘safe’, someone who could be trusted with my journey and it’s vast complexities.

We must learn to value relationship.
God places a pretty high value on relationship with humankind, and He did something pretty drastic to prove it, to ensure that relationship was reconnected, reconciled; Jesus!

We too must learn to protect relationship.
We too must learn to protect connection.

Imagine if we put as much energy and effort into trying to maintain connection with people, as we do  trying to maintain a wifi connection to post the kind of junk that would potentially drive them away?

Hurting people, confused people, questioning people, do not need our misguided, poorly seasoned ‘humour’, they need our support.

Christians are supposed to be the most loving people on earth, but we repel people with our ill thought out humour and our ignorance, fearing perhaps that understanding, tolerance and empathy mean we will be forced to compromise our beliefs. It won’t. Choosing to nurture  and extend compassion, and empathy does not mean you have to condone what you may believe to be ‘sin’.

People matter. People’s feelings matter. People’s struggles matter.

A quick, cheap laugh is not worth the loss of relationship with someone. It is not worth the loss of potential future opportunity to be a person of trust and support in the life of another.

Maybe our gesture to show we value connection is no gesture at all.
Instead sacrificing the little things; a cheap laugh, a social media ‘thumb’s up’, and moving our finger away from ‘share’, just long enough to ponder the gift that lies beyond…

There are many blessed gifts in this beautiful yet oft difficult life, and one of them is the feeling you experience when you have been given the honour of holding someone’s confidence.
To be trusted with someone’s pain, insecurity, struggle and of course joy, is a feeling that can’t be matched by social media ego boost highs.

I met with a beautiful young woman for coffee recently (I know, tough life, someone’s gotta do it). She grew up in the church, but realised from a young age that she was different. She is gay. No not trans-gender, and no I’m not trying to equate the two, I merely mention it to demonstrate my thoughts on connection.
At present, this young woman no longer believes in God, and yet for 2 hours we talked God and different religions. We talked church, the universe, relationships, family, psychedelics, science, astronomy,  mindfulness, epiphanies, and never once in this beautiful and privileged exchange did I feel that my convictions were compromised through our connection. And I sincerely hope she would say the same.
(And yes, I asked her permission before posting this.)

I love my wifi connection, I love social media, I love to laugh. But I love people more!

I don’t stand in judgement saying I’m perfect and I’ve totally nailed this whole relationship business. I sit, curled up on my lounge, purring cat by my side, clumsily index-finger-stabbing/typing via Notes on my iPhone (tech savviness and über dexterity all the way), saying only what’s on my heart, and acknowledging that I too am so guilty of these social media blunders. I am the queen of the ‘hindsight status delete’. But each day, I grow a little more aware, and each day I reap the reward, the gift.

You’re special. You’re precious. You deserve a gift too. And I hope and pray you attain this experience of in the form of a beautiful connection!
-Bek Curtis

 

6 Comments

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  1. Stacie Lee

    Not too long ago, I posted a snarky meme (which I made myself) about how so many Christian ladies post sexy pics on Facebook with so much cleavage. My husband thought it was hilarious. I did too, until I was convicted. I deleted the meme. When my husband asked me why I deleted it I said It doesn’t show anything close to God’s love. I want to build people up; not tear them down.
    I’m not patting myself on the back here…. I was ashamed for what I had posted. I repented for what I’d done. I’m just saying that I posted this meme out of humor and sarcasm but it wasn’t glorifying God at all. If I post anything, Lord, let it be pleasing to you.

    • Bek Curtis

      Stacie Lee, thank you so much for sharing this!

      I really struggle on Twitter. There’s so many snarky and witty quips to be made, and I’ve made them… But just like you, I had to delete them. I realised I was compromising who I was just to engage with the ‘cool kids’. Such an uncomfortable and ugly self truth.

      Yay for building up and not tearing down! May we get better at it every day!

  2. Dennis McLaughlin

    Congratulations Bek. Another wonderful, mature and compassionate post. I can assure you that, if you do indeed,experience any isolation arising from this or any of your other posts, it would only be from people that I, for one, don’t need in my life. “People who matter, don’t mind. People who mind don’t matter”.

  3. Gazz

    One thing I notice in this modern age is the way we often give ourselves ‘alternative’ identity tags. So many people are looking for their identity in their race, gender, sexuality, social status and so on. Even among Christians, finding their identity elsewhere in phrases like “I’m gay” or “I’m pentecostal” etc, the trouble being that this alternative identity is the one cited first and relinquished last.

    But the freedom comes when our identity is in Christ and Him alone. I would so encourage any person, if you are struggling with identity issues, find your identity in Christ and Him only. Experience the joy and the deliverance from so many burdens that only comes through surrender to Him. Ask God, to help you make Jesus your first love, and ask Him to give you (perhaps again) a right fear of God. You’ll know if you realise that you may have lost that.

    In relation to the ubiquitous memes that circulate social media, even the ‘Christian’ ones, I find that I only rarely even ‘like’ them, and almost never share them, as so many, whilst they seem so Christiany, are quite often just philosophy that is ‘almost’ Biblically correct. I acknowledge that many of them are posted by people with good, well-meaning motives, but others are a numbers gathering exercise.
    For example, you may see a meme on your facebook page that says something along the lines of “If you love Jesus, like and share this page”. The implication is that if you don’t do as instructed, then you don’t love Jesus. Then underneath the meme will be however many thousand times it has been liked and shared. I hope and pray, rather, that I will share what Jesus has done for me and how he has really changed my life in so many ways, most of them internal, hidden from others, but I know it’s really happened.

    Blessings to you all.

  4. Danny Tudol

    You def should keep in touch with people as you keeping your WIFI connection steady!

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